Questions

Through all the trials I have experienced in my life I have never questioned my faith.  Rejections, set backs, sorrow, disapointments, deaths, especially my sister-in-laws, I have always dealt pretty well with it all. 

I'm a Mormon.  I grew up thinking and desiring that as soon as I graduated high school I'd do the Molly Mormon thing and get married right away, stay at home, have babies, wake up early to cook my husband breakfast and fix his lunches for work.  I wanted to clean house, quilt, change diapers, stay up all night with my babies, take perfect family photographs, and fulfill my church callings with perfection.

What of any of that has come true?

Some of it...

I look at all these young couples that just seem to have it together.  They find their returned missionaries, do a little of the school thing, decide to have a baby - have a baby, and just scoot right into that role.

Lately, I've questioned things - everything. 

Where's my baby?  I'm kind of over these kids saying, "Oh, we struggled to have our baby..."  Oh, yeah!  That six months was really hard, huh?  I'm kind of over these kids telling everyone how difficult their pregnancies were, how tired they are because their babies were up all night, how stressed they are, how miserable they are, and how... everything they are!

I'll trade you my easy, normal days.

Every single one.

I was taught that if I lived righteously I would be given the righteous desires of my heart.  Yeah... Really?  Not only did I have to wait 10 years for my husband, but now I'm having to wait for a baby?  Really?

I've lived righteously - not perfectly - but righteously.

I don't feel like I ask for much, but what I do ask for... I'd really like.

Why do these people who kill their babies, torture their babies, neglect, abandon, and shun their babies GET their babies?!  Why?

Can anyone answer that question? 

I know life isn't fair - but, this isn't fair!

I just want a baby!  I want those sleepless nights!  I want all that!

Please and Thank You

Ava and I have been going through a bit of struggle; nothing within our marriage.  In the struggle I have started to become angry and bitter.  I sometimes feel like I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want anyone to encourage me with Gospel-esque advise.  I wanted to retreat into my home with my husband and wallow in self-pity, looking at all the "blessed" couple and be miserable.


Having such feeling was comfortable at first.  "I know the feelings," I said to myself.  "I've been here before."  Sometimes a comfort zone can be uncomfortable, but its familiar.  You know what happens there and you've created way of dealing with it - and at least you think you have.


A member of our Branch Presidency emailed me a copy of a speech by F. Enzio Busche.  It was a speech he gave at BYU on May 14, 1996.  So far, in this speech, he hasn't addressed anything specific about "This is what to do to be happy..." or anything like that.  So far, and I'm only at the beginning of the fourth page out of 8 - so a bit past half way.  He has only spoken of having the spirit with us always to guide us in - guess what - EVERYTHING!


There's a piece of a paragraph I'd like to share:


"The Spirit is a divine entity.  It therefore gives the ultimate example of politeness."


I've never thought of the Spirit as polite - or given it/him any "real" human characteristics because we learn that the Spirit does not have a body (yet, anyway). 


He goes on to say: "I will not intrude into our lives.  It will not force itself into our lives except under circumstances in which we may endanger our salvation - for instance, by breaking a covenant."


I can testify of this.  I have found myself in the pits of despair, begging for someone to hold out their hand to me to offer help, but not uttering a word - hoping that the Spirit would discern to THEM what I needed! 


I found myself just the other day thanking multiple people.  For random things.  I was truly grateful for these things, but the Spirit, I felt, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "What are you doing?"


"I don't know.  What are you doing?"


"Look at yourself.  What are you doing?"


Wow.  The Spirit did not force itself/himself in when I obviously didn't invite it.  But it did step in when I was [thinking about] breaking a covenant. 


Brother Busche quotes D&C 76:47 which says, "I, the Lord, show it [the torments of hell] by vision unto many, but straightway shut it up again."  Then he goes on to say:


"[The Holy Ghost] can only become an active part of our lives when we become aware of it dormant state and develop in our souls a desire to awaken the Spirit to life."


There must be opposition in all things...

I want "everyone" reading this blog to know that I share many very personal, somewhat private feelings here. I honestly use this blog as a quick journaling tool. It is a lot faster for me to type, and a bit less painful, as well.

Ava and I were invited to spend Christmas at my sister and brother-in-laws home. We asked to stay the night the night before, and therefore, were going to be a part of their Christmas Eve pj & The Polar Express tradition. Some days being surrounded by a pack of kids is just what I need to make it to the next day, but sometimes seeing a baby makes me plain ol' angry. This night, the heart break of not being able to carry a baby further than 7 weeks or so slapped me in the face and kicked me in the shins.

I needed a moment - or maybe several hours until the crowd left - to try to keep myself together.

I was followed. I was told that it was my weight that kept me from experiencing the bearing of children. True. To some extent, anyway. I was also told that it was my weight that kept my back in such pain all the time. Maybe. Or it could be the fact that I literally busted my back caring for my 80+ year old, bed-ridden Grandfather, and that my weight simply exacerbates it. I was also told that it was my weight that kept intimate moments - not so intimate. Wow. What a blow. I know, without a doubt, that my weight causes many to... think. To put it nicely.

Then the next day to be told by another person that it was my weight that kept them from being able to tickle me without me hurting. Yeah, maybe. But, I really don't like to be tickled. Regardless of my back.

I am angry. I am angry at mothers and fathers, especially mothers, who are blessed with babies - and then complain about the sleepless nights. I am angry that mothers complain about the hyperactivity. I am angry with the mothers who loose their patience so easily. I am angry at the mothers who place other things/activities/people about their children. Why have you been blessed with a child? Why have you been blessed with children? I would just like one. Just one.

Stop complaining. Stop whining. I'll trade my nights for yours. In a heart beat.

Kaysi

Around Homecoming time in my Senior year of high school I called an ad that was in the Peddler for free rat terrier puppies. When I got there..., let's just say they weren't rat terrier puppies. Regardless of the breed I feel in love with a very timid black and white female puppy. The owner had to crawl under most of his house to get her. And when we got her home she spent the first two weeks or so under the front porch steps.

This little puppy became my best friend. She was everything to me. She was my best friend.

Monday, September 29, 2014 (three days before her 14th birthday) she took her last breath.

I miss her every single day.

Push Pause

I remember being a young kid playing Nintendo with my siblings and having to use the restroom so bad that I dance the tee-tee dance. We all got really good at it! The thing to say when it got to be an emergency was "push pause." We'd jump up, run to the bathroom, take care of business, and run back to finish the game.

I graduated in May with my Associates in Teaching. There's not much I can do with that except teach Jump Start to Pre-K levels. The plan was to go straight into the Teaching program and at Lamar that I was accepted into in April. Long story short, I pushed pause.

Angelina spoiled me. Lamar, apparently, doesn't spoil. I'll start in the Spring. I started working part-time at a local funeral home. I love it. I love the people I work with, the people I come in contact with, and extra income is nice. Its nice to help Ava out and to ease his burden.

He's made a lot of progress. He's accomplished every goal he's set for himself. Now to work on the new goals he has set.

I'm kind of not ready to push un-pause yet.

Jarom's Home!

What an awesome experience our family has had this week! These past two years, really, have been an experience. A wonderful, faith-building experience. We've laughed, we've cried, we've rejoiced, and we've worried. We wouldn't trade it for anything, and we know he wouldn't either.

Elder Odom's mission had been difficult. Typhoid, typhoid fever, E Coli, severe back pain, and possible intestinal parasites are only a short list of his "health" tribulations.

Elder Odom's mission had been miraculous. Countless baptisms, being spared for numerous typhoons, beautiful scenery, and heavenly people.

We initially received an itinerary for Elder Odom that would bring him home at the beginning of November. Heavenly Father planned differently and we had him come home on Tuesday, October 21st at 7:50pm. Most of our immediate family was able to attend, (Heber's family couldn't make it), along with Uncle Early Wayne and Aunt Linda and Colton and Garrett. We had our poster the Young Women made, along with "Hug Me First" signs Mom made for each of us. We gathered at the escalator the airport told us he'd come down. Our feet couldn't sit still, we went from teary eyes to big grins, kids giggled and jumped up and down. Ava walked around and found he had come down another set of stairs.

We made our way to him and had a nice reunion. His back hurt so back he was shuffling like an old man. He focused intently to when we spoke because he was having a hard time understand English. He had been traveling for twenty-two hours and awake for much more. He was tired. He was hungry and thirsty. But he was - he IS - home.!

We left Houston and travel to Beaumont to meet with Stake President Little to have him released. He met with Elder Odom alone first for a time, then invited us in. President Little allowed Elder Odom to share his testimony with us. He had changed so much. Then, President Little read Elder Odom's release certificate and asked that he remove his missionary name tag. That was a bitter sweet moment. The pain and the anguish in his face was so raw. He reached for it twice before, on the third attempt, he removed his name tag and again became Jarom.

He served well. He returned with honor. He made us proud. He made his Heavenly Father proud.

He left his family for two short years to help other families be together for an eternity.

Immigration

Recently I've seen several political pictures shared on Facebook concerning Immigration that disturb me. One of which is the "Press 1 for English. Press 2 to go home." Did you know that the United States of America does not have a national language? Did you know fellow Texans that because our area does have a "Press 2 for Spanish" option, whereas, in other areas, say FAR north, its "Press 2 for French?"

Don't get me wrong, my feelings about this was the same a couple of years ago. If you're coming to America, speak "American!" If you're coming to America, adopt our "American" ways! What is the American language? What are the American ways?

The American language, literally, is what ever language you already speak! The American way is, literally, the customs and traditions you already have! That's what makes America - America!

I used to be one of those ignorant people that said (loud and proud), "If you want to come to America - do it legally! Go through the proper channels!" Have you ever been through the proper immigration channels? I have! And I completely understand why so many are here illegally!

ITS SO EXPENSIVE! If you choose to NOT hire an immigration lawyer, which is totally fine, but I would suggest against it, the filing fees alone are $1500 (for about three sheets of paper)! That's not counting the at least two trips you'll make to the local immigration offices.

When one is coming into the United States of America the government asked for many things. They get "nosey", they get rude sometimes, they get haughty, etc. They look into your past and if you so much as sneeze with an accent they delay you, or worse, they send you "home" for pushing 2 for their language.

Do you find it frustrating trying to deal with a foreigner who may have trouble speaking the language? Do you think its not frustrating to come into a completely foreign country to be FREE to only have the government officials tell you what to do, what language to speak, having to deal with all the red tape?!

What happened to, "Give me your TIRED, your POOR,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

Did you know that most illegal immigrants work harder than you, but make less than you, AND they send money to their families? Did you know that most illegal immigrants are living the American Dream just by doing this? While you're complaining about your Apple store running out of the new iPhone, these illegal immigrants are actually living BETTER than you - and you call it struggling!

Get over "British" selves and welcome in these poor, tired, homeless immigrants. Help them. Teach them. Love them. Don't cater to them. Don't tell them to go home - because they are home. And they had to pay a lot higher price than you'll ever have to worry about!

Strike Three!

Well, three miscarriages. But I made it further this time. Six weeks exactly.

I called my OB/GYN (that I can't see because I have no insurance and can't get Medicaid until I get a doctor confirmed positive test) and the nurse "quietly" told me to take folic acid and pre-natal vitamins. Even if I don't take the pre-natal vitamin to, for sure, take the folic acid.

I have PCOS. The last time my hormone levels were taken my testosterone levels were normal, but on the high side of normal. My female hormones weren't checked. But she feels that because I'm loosing my babies in the 4-6 week mark and making it further each time, that my progesterone levels are low and slowly, because of the pregnancies, rising.

Long story short. Folic Acid should help. And if it doesn't, when we get Ava's green card and he starts working at the prison and we get on insurance, then I'll go back to the doctor and we'll dive right into when ever we need to dive into.

Mixed emotions.

The Power of Suggestion

Most of the time I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders. Then there are those other times that I feel completely nuts! I've been having pregnancy symptoms for a solid three weeks now. The nausea was unbearable for the first ten days or so, then slowly got better. The spells didn't last most of the day, the smells were getting easier to tolerate (or avoid), and I seemed to have found several ways to deal with the nausea when it did come.

I have wicket heartburn, am rediculously sleepy, running to the bathroom every fifteen minutes (literally) to pee, my parts aren't snug at the waistline, but they are snug, my "other" bathroom habit has changed (for the better on my part since I have no gallbladder), along with many other symptoms. Plus, I've missed a period!

According to my calculations, I should be about 6 1/2 weeks. Mom, and everyone else, has been begging me to take a pregnancy test. I've fought them until last night. I've had two miscarriages - the first one I actually got a positive result and after bleeding for a few days, retested and got a negative. I do not want to see another negative test, even if it was/will be a false negative. I want to have two missed periods under my belt (or in my womb!) before I even think about taking one. And after I think about it for another missed period, then I'll take one!

Anyway, so I took one. Negative.

I still feel "full," the heartburn is bad, I'm still feel sleep deprived, and the nausea is still the same! What is going on? And, still no period.

What is going on?!

I want a baby so bad!

I'm trying to trust in the Lord's timing. I need a countdown clock or something!

Pretty Flower

As all know, our area received a huge amount of rain over a several day period. After the skies cleared and the waters have begun to recede, then the lights choose to go out. Ava, Megan, and I are in our living room waiting for them to come back on. Ava gets up and goes to the bathroom to prepare for bed. Then I smell it! I ask Megan, "Do you smell that?"

She calmly says, "Maybe it was Ava. He did go to the bathroom."

"No. It smells like a skunk."

Jarom's dog, Shorty, has a habit of getting sprayed quite often. He has already been sprayed this week. At first I thought it was him and he was maybe sleeping on our steps and the smell was wafting in. I get up to get a drink and pass by the front door. A lot worse there. Then I made a mistake. I opened the door! Great googaly moogaly! It was really fresh! And it was right in our front yard!

I have only experienced the new skunk smell once before and I knew I didn't want to again. Epic defensive tool! Like, the best! Ever!

Well played Flower. Well played, indeed!

In Your Face Interface

THE key to a successful marriage?

In the 4 1/2 months I've been married to my Samoan Superman I've learned that clear and honest communication is THE key.

After continually builing our personal relationships with the Lord, building our relationships with our spouses is next in line.

Let me ask a question: If you and your partner were able to have sex, but were ordered not to, would your relationship last? Is your marriage founded on sex? Do you find that there is more contention between you when sex is few and far between, or non existent?

This is not a healthy relationship.

Draw a triangle. In the triangle draw some horizontal lines. In this spaces write what you know is the foundation of a healthy relationship and as you go higher the priority is less. Be honest. Don't write what you know, not what you feel or what your relationship has prioritized things.

Now, cut these strips and now arrange them how your marriage is, turning the pieces upside down. If your marriages is (pretty much) based on sex, place that strip of paper on the bottom and work your way up. Is your triangle wobbly, out of balance?

Fix it.

How?

Communicate honestly and clearly with your spouse. And work. I've learned that a marriage requires daily, hourly, minute-by-minutes, and second-by-second maintainance (I don't think I spelt that right).

When you're not with your spouse how can you maintain? Thoughts play a HUGE role. Don't let your mind wonder from your partner. Honor those covenants you made in your mind, too. Anything that drives your thoughts to "someone else" needs to go.

Do the opinions of other's do that? They can!

Talk to your sweety. Keep your sweety your sweety!

Choose your love. Love your choice.

Double Date

Ava and I have been asked to join a sweet couple for dinner this Thursday night! Our first group date as a married couple!

I've always loved this young man who has invited us. He's always been super sweet and very thoughtful. And now as our Branch's second councilor, he has become a humble man and a great teacher. His sweet wife is... super sweet! I love her so much!

I'm so excited to spend an evening with them and their glorious children!

Gratitude

We had our High Councilman from Buna to come speak to our Branch this past Sunday. Wow, did I ever need that! Brother Peterson (who reminded me of a young Pres. Eyring) spoke about gratitude. He gave many awesome quotes and humble stories of his humble missionary experiences in Russia.

What stuck out the most was his account of the Brother of Jared. In Ether 6 starting with verse 5 Moroni writes, "...that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land..."

Verse 6 says, "...mountain waves which broke upon them,...great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fiercesness of the wind."

Then Verse 8 says, "...the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land...they were driven forth before the wind."

Verses 6 and 7 tells us of the very trying experiences and hardships of their travels because of the wind. But in Verses 5 and 8 Moroni tells us that the Lord provided this great wind.

Why were they so tried? Why was their journey so hard? The were uncomfortable. The very thing that brought them to the promised land, was the very thing that gave them so much trouble. Or what they thought was trouble. They were just stretched a bit.

We humans have selfishness issues!

This is the WHY of why we need to be thankful for our trials. Not because they're hard and it humbles us and we can learn from them. That's great, but we need to be thankful because they were given to us by the Lord. Sometimes remembering that is really difficult.

What just makes me cry, continuing with story starts in Verse 9. "...they did sing praises,...he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord."

Verse 10 just slaps me in the face. Sometimes its the blessing we're given that we don't see that can get us in trouble. Because we're so ME focused. It says, "...they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above water or under the water."

Verse 11: "And thus they were driven forth..."

Verse 12: "And they did land upon the shore of the promised land." They were driven so hard and so fast BECAUSE they were righteous. They reached the promised land and obtained their blessings that much faster. What if they hadn't been so righteous? There could have been the best seas ever, but instead of taking 344 days, it could have been 688 or more days!

"And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord..."

"...because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."

We can liken this experience to our lives. Our trials are quickly preparing us to receive blessings from our loving Father in Heaven. Blessings that could be held from us if we choose unrighteousness.

I need to remember these monsters of the sea that are being held back by the Lord so that these great tempests can carry me to my promised land faster. Isn't that what we all want? To be blessed NOW! Well, let the Lord bless you... NOW!

Endure the waves!

Enjoy the Journey!

On The Outside

I feel like I've always had the bad habit of comparing the progression of my life to the progession of other's lives.

I remember in 3rd grade, specifically, that multiplication wasn't clicking as fast as my classmates. Our teacher would play this Around the World game that pinned one classmate against the other and compared how fast you could give the answer to a random problem she gave. If student one and student two were up, who ever could give the correct answer first and would move on to student 3. The way to win the game was who ever made it around the world and back to their seat first won.

I maybe moved over one or two seats ever. Why couldn't I think as quickly as others. I knew my facts, I just couldn't get it out quick enough. It really made me very self-conscience.

In junior high all the girls had boyfriends. I didn't. In high school everyone seemed to advance quicker than me. I worked so hard to get the grades that I did, while it seemed others flew past me.

The harder part for me happened when my siblings and I started graduating. I've wanted nothing more than to get married right away, start my family, and sit in rocking chairs on the front porch with my husband in our old age, surrounded by our grandchildren. (Very cliche', sorry!)

I have no personal jealousy issues with anyone. And I wouldn't trade lives with them. (This may not make sense to you.) But I do have really bad jealousy issues with those who progress faster in the things I want.

Things got really bad when my siblings started to get married, then even worse when they started having their children. Like I said, I have no personal jealousy with them and I wouldn't trade my lives for theirs.

I am so thankful for my dear husband! Not a day goes by that I am not humbled to tears (literally, every. single. day.) that the Lord has blessed me with such a perfect fit. (Plus, he's such a hunk!)

You know when you want something you notice it EVERYWHERE?!

Everyone around me is having babies!

I've had two miscarriages. Then, two menstral cycles. Torture!

I've always lived my life in such a way that would allow the Lord the bless me without saying something like, "I'm going to keep this blessing from you because you did 'this'."

It seems that those who don't even try to do the right thing get blessed and are not thankful at all. They even complain about their "mess." Honey, I'd love your "mess!"

C.S. Lewis said something like, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

Amen, brother.

I need to stop it!

So, Get Off Your Ath, Lets Do Some Math!

* Disclaimer: Excuse the Mormon cussing in the title *

I had my first teaching experience yesterday! At the end of my Fundamentals of Math class our teacher told us about a problem one of my fellow students had come upon while taking one of our reviews tests online. He told us that this student couldn't figure it out and that he didn't remember teaching anything about it in class and he didn't remember seeing anything in the book that taught this concept. I, too, came upon this question and felt it was one of the easier problems. And, further more, he had taught this concept and it was in the book, as well.

And, I'm paraphrasing, it said:

All libraries have between 50 and 250 books. How many libraries will you have to visit to find that at least two of those libraries will have the same number of book?

Can you get it?

Since this is Fundamentals of Math, we have been asked to solve these problems like a 3rd - 7th grader would. We can draw pictures, draw a table, guess and check, etc. I drew a table. (I hope BlogSpot keeps my table fairly correct)

Books in the Library: Libraries visited:
50 1
51 2
52 3
53 4
. .
. .
. .
250 201

Assuming, and you have to assume this, that you went to 201 libraries and each one had a different number of books. The first library you visited at 50 books, the second library you visited had 51 books, the 201st library you visited at 250. That would mean that the 202nd library you visited HAD to have the same number of books on one of the previous.

Answer: 202

Elijah

I've come to the conclusion that Ava's calling in the Family History Center was actually for me!

A doctor I worked with at Dickerson Memorial Hospital passed away at the end of November 2010. Since I found this out he has kind of been on my mind. I told myself that I would eventually gather his information and go to the Temple and have his work done. Never felt any real excitement or urgency there. I did feel, though, that this alone was not enough. And (stupidly) didn't know any more to do.

I was telling the history to someone about the abandoned hospital in Jasper that Dr. Joe founded and named for his late wife, Mary E. Dickerson. Then it hit me! SHE wanted THEIR work done!!

She wanted to have their work done so THEY COULD BE SEALED! When this little beauty of a fact hit me I immediately felt excited and anxious and rushed!!

This was a Tuesday (a week ago). I told Ava that I was going to stop by the FHC right after school and find the information I needed to prepare their names for the Temple!

My sweet hubby met me there and within 15 minutes we had all the information we needed! I drove to Mom's house and there we put it all on the Temple Ready program and printed out what we needed to hand to the Temple workers!

Once that was done the rushed feeling eased somewhat. I wake every morning with the thought of skipping school and taking these two sweet names to the Temple. Ava and I are going with the Youth to the Temple in a week and a half. Their work will be done then.

Dr. Joe, I love you and miss you. Mrs. Dickerson, I've never met you, but your husband spoke of you often and reverently. Don't worry. You're ordinances will be done very soon.

Thank you (Spirit of) Elijah. Thank you.

Gorilla beringei

I first heard Bruno Mars' new song, Gorilla, at the... VMA's? When ever Miley Cyrus had her rockin' I'm-an-adult-now twerking performance. Yeah... Anyway, I wasn't really paying attention because I was reading my homework assignments. I really enjoyed the beats and the rhythm. I can appreciate some good music song writing.

Every day, well Monday through Thursday, anyway, I drive to Lufkin for school. That's a 2 hour drive every day. I listen to A LOT of radio. This song always comes on at around 7:30am, right before I get into Huntington. I found I really liked this song.

About a week ago, after doing much praying and pondering on a completely different subject, this song made me feel very uncomfortable and dirty. This song is about sex. There is nothing wrong with sex. Sex between a husband and a wife is beautiful and special. And its sacred. When Ava and I had our interview with our stake president for our Temple marriage he told us that marriage, the power to procreate, is putting on the path to "be Gods." (While receiving our endowments allows us to "be LIKE Gods.")

This spirit of this song is not sacred. It is pornography. This thoughts that came to my head were of my husband and I (I know... TMI, but bear with me) so how could it be wrong? But isn't that was an actual porn video can do? Get's my husband and me in "the mood?" (Note: we don't watch porn.) Isn't that what a good romance novel do? Is that pornography as well? I think so. I now know so.

I'm not being preachy. I simply want to share my new-found testimony of when the Strength of the Youth pamphlet advises the youth to be mindful of the music they listen to, the movies and TV shows they watch, and the materials they read, it is to protect them from evils.

Songs like these are gateways to bigger things. The house is sexual sin and provocative music, videos, and books are the thresh holds we need to pass through to get to those bigger sins.

Brothers and Sisters, be ever so mindful of the choices you make. Be mindful of those loose and flaxen chords of the devil Nephi talks about. Stay close to the spirit. Listen to him. Follow his promptings. Keep yourself worthy to enter into the Temple and partake of those awesome blessings!

Aplia Woes

This semester, my next to last at AC, I am finally taking my Student Success course. And because I have 'so many' hours already I was allowed to take it online. The class didn't actually start until a week or so after the official first day.

An orientation was scheduled. I went. It as a waste of time. The three online class teachers had a shared orientation. One didn't show. The other couldn't get the school computer to work. The third couldn't get the class program to work.

This was a BIG preview of the upcoming semester in this class.

I have eMailed the teacher 2 - 3 times a week since the orientation. Directions/Instructions for assignments conflicting. Since there are, like, three places where the same assignments are. In this online class we are to do group discussions. These discussions are to be done on blackboard under the forum section. eMail can be exchanged through blackboard, your school Gmail account, and your private eMail address. Assignments are to be done through Aplia.

What brings me to this post is this week Chapter 1 Problem Set on Aplia is due. I read the chapter, go on Aplia to perform the problem set. Its not there. I eMail the teacher (yet another eMail due to an issue) and tell her so. She eMails me back saying that eMail correspondence is obviously not efficient with me and that I am to call her immediately.

I was about five minutes from the start of my next class and when I got home from my obligations elsewhere it was too late. This morning was quite busy and this afternoon/evening has been just a crazy.

So, before calling her, I go online again to make sure the assignment wasn't there, and guess what? The Chapter One problem set was there. Upon this discovery, I open ALL my eMail accounts to where this teacher could contact me (FOUR in total: AC posts, BlackBoard, AC Gmail, and private) and it turns out... there was an issue.

Hhmmm...

Which brings me to my next issue. Why all the extra programs? There AC webpage, Blackboard, Aplia, Cengage, MyLabsPlus, Facebook even! Why? When BlackBoard, the universal University program, does all of what the other's do!

The advantage I've thought of about using so many programs - it shows future employers that I'm flexible, easy to train, ...not the words I'm looking for. But, do you know what I'm saying...? Adaptable, maybe?!

THAT kind of day...

I'm mad that...
its going to cost $300 +/- to get Ava's passport renewed.
its going to cost about $5000 to get Ava's green card, $3000 of which is the lawyer's fee and the remaining government filing fees. (What happened to the "...bring me your POOR...huddle masses"??)
I didn't get a honeymoon.
my husbands ex-wife is using their children to get more money.
my husband is being taken advantage of and manipulated by his ex-wife.
I've had TWO miscarriages in a row.
all I've ever, ever wanted has been nothing but a struggle and fight for me.
my husband works EVERY SINGLE DAY!
I have PCOS.
money doesn't grow on trees.
my hormones are causing me to go from homicidal to suicidal.
my sister REALLY annoys me most of the time.
my dad is a dork!
my brother and his family are inactive.

On the other hand:
I am thankful that...
my husband has a job and is fully committed to it, for now.
our immigration lawyer moved from Houston to Beaumont and has given us his discount and won't let us pay for each visit we'll have to make to his office during the next 12 months.
my husband's kids are in the US and not back in Samoa.
despite my PCOS, I have been able to conceive.
eventually, when things settle down, my husband and I will travel to Samoa to visit his family.
although money is tight, all our bills (somehow) are being paid and we have extra money Every. Single. Month! *Testimony of paying tithing*

My Samoan Superman

Let me tell you - every girl needs a husband like mine! He is my Samoan Superman!

He's kind, patient, loving, tender, and he love me!

And he's much cuter than Clark Kent, that's for sure!