Walking Two Moons...

When I was a kid in Junior High I had a History teacher, Mrs. Woodrome, who read us books through out the year and one was entitled Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech. It about a girl whose mother leaves her as a young child and she totally has to deal with the issues that result from that. The moral is to not judge a person until you've "walked two moons (a period of time) in another's moccasins."

I've been taught/told to do this at all times. To not react to other's reactions. Maybe they're had a bad day or its a touchy subject and they react outwardly toward it, etc.

I try to do this in all situations, at all times and to try to never say, "If I were them, I would do this..." I would have no way of knowing if I would. I've not been through the same things, situations, etc.

I often wonder if others try to walk in my shoes... I have had a lot of time to think and ponder things lately. Mainly, my financial status, kinda,... I'm doing "okay" financially. Let me give you the low-down, (that'll make things much easier to understand hopefully) - I was fired from a job a year ago this past September. Luckily, it put me in a situation where I was able to care for my brother's son for extended periods of time and help out with my Grandpa who is getting to a point where its either a move to a Nursing Home or have someone in or around pretty much 24/7 and it's allowed me to go to school.

I'm making MUCH less working for my Grandpa than when I was working at a "real" job. Much, much less... I've had to make sacrifices. Not to many, but I've not had the financial freedom I had before. Not that I was like free spending anything at anytime, but if I needed, say, a tire on my truck, I was able to get it pretty quick or the purchase of an animal wasn't a big deal.

Grandpa has decided to "cut" my hours. I've averaged 5 hrs a day there, 6 days a week. Monday I worked 45 minutes and Tuesday I work 2 hours and 45 minutes. (My truck note is supposed to be due with this check...not gonna happen if he keeps me going like this).

Needless to say, I'm a bit stressed and anxious about my situation, and Grandpa's for that matter. The WHOLE reason I was hired was to make life a bit easier for me (finding a new job) and a whole lot easier for the 3 of the 4 kids who live nearby to "get a break."

It appears I may have to find another employer... What really bugs me (this is a money issue. He feels he's running out of money - NOT EVEN CLOSE) is that he says he's so worried, but he just took his vehicle in the shop and PAID someone to change his oil and U joints when Dad offered to do it for free at home and he just paid nearly $1000 cash for a new TV. ...But he's supposed to be totally strapped for cash... If I need a new tire (which I need two now), I have to plan three months in advance and save, save, save. I need a new roof or the leaky spots repairs, can't do it, etc.

If you were me, what would you do? Sell some animals? Well, if you were me, No you wouldn't. Would you sell the house and move back in with your parents or Grandpa, even? No you wouldn't. Because if you were me, then you'd have the same strong feelings for those "stupid" animals that I do and you would see moving back in with your parents or Grandpa as a L-A-S-T resort, and THE VERY LAST resort!

Would you find another job, knowing it would leave Grandpa to try and guess if he would get his morning meal by, say, 1pm? Or having to have an accident because he can't make it to the bathroom in time? Or having to lie in bed until noon because his kids have a "life" or have "better things to do," or to keep your husband from having to find an apartment in Beaumont or have your wife quit her job that she's less than a year away from being able to retire from?

Before you judge me or tell me what I "need" to do... please try to really and truly walk two moons in my moccasins. But don't just walk. Open your eyes and see what I see, open your hands and feel what I feel, open your ears and your mouth and hear what I hear and taste what I taste. Taste how it feels when your Grandpa "magically" finds out (word for word) what's bugging you that day, (which happens to be the $1000 TV and my cut hours) and you've only told ONE person, thinking they could keep they're gossiping mouths shut! Feel how it feels when you worry about making your truck payment and hearing that an uncle thinks you should sell ALL your animals, they only comfort I can seem to find and rely on these days, or being referred to as "your sister" instead of by your name. (By the way, its Emelie, not "your sister." (Had to been there. Makes no sense does it?!)

Open your eyes and see that some have many people who love them, who support them and you have no one (I'm talking about spouses). Don't judge me and talk about me when I say I wish I had one when I don't even get out... I've had to deal with some pretty mean and hateful boys/men my whole life. Calling me fat, stupid, lazy and a b*%$h. From Kindergarden (and before) to this present day. Yes, I want a Prince Charming, who wouldn't?!

Don't judge please! Just...encourage me. Just...love me. That's all I'm asking.