Peace

Ava and I were married on May 23rd of this year and... I knew I had conceived on the 24th. By about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks I was exhausted all the time and the heart burn was out of control. Along with other symptoms and a "feeling" I knew I was pregnant. I took three pregnancy tests, and of course because it was too early, all were negative. At around 4 1/2 weeks I started getting worse and worse morning sickness (yeah, right - more like all day sickness).

From about the time Ava would get up for work at 3am - 4am, and I would wake up with him, I was sick until about six that evening. After that, I was just queasy, like I had been at about 3 weeks. Food didn't make me sick, but random smells would. The dish soap would make my stomach turn. The smell of the sand/dirt on our road would, too. But other smells I, like, craved for. One of those was the smell of Ava's skin and another was the smell of warm electronics (the warm DVD player or Wii remote). Crazy...

At what I figured to be 5 weeks and 1 day, with a FOR SURE missed period, I took a (4th) test. And it came up positive! That was on Saturday, the 29th of June. That very next (Sunday) evening/night and Monday I was cramping pretty bad. By Tuesday (and into Wednesday and Thursday) I was bleeding. By Friday morning, there was nothing. I took a 5th pregnancy test Friday and it came back negative.

I'm so thankful for this experience. I say that because I could not fully appreciate the joy with out the pain. I know there will be a baby to come soon! But, like our journey so far, it'll all be in the Lord's time. I am sad, but I have a calm peace.