An Evening (and the next morning) in Tears!

My Grandpa told me a story of an event that happened at his house Tuesday night that really hurt my feelings. (Without getting into details - it involved familia...) Turns out this certain member of the familia doesn't mind helping other memebers of the familia with Grandpa on their days. They have an issue with helping me on my days with Grandpa. They didn't come out and say it, but based on their words/actions in the past towards me and based on their words/actions Tuesday night - helping Grandpa isn't the problem - its helping me. So that had me feeling glorious.

Then it hit me - holy smokes, my baby brother will leave in 8 days (7 days today!) for his two year mission. I've been great until now. I KNOW I can and will survive without him, but... he's been such an awesome support to me these past several weeks. It'll be extremely difficult to send him off this next Thursday morning.

I failed my biology test! I studied! The teacher tells me, though, "So far, you've made the highest grade." AND?! I still failed... But it was A LOT of material and a LONG test. And of the four bonus essay questions, I answered two, and got full credit on those. 63 on the test. Seven points away from passing it. Thank goodness the lowest test grade is always dropped, right?

Then, because of that "issue" I mentioned on FaceBook, Ava and I have had to "behave" even more than we were already behaving. (And we were/are behaving still.) So, in my prayers, I've asked Heavenly Father to help us "behave" as we should. He had asked that I take off yesterday afternoon and evening to spend some time together and so I did.

Just to let you know, I am having to deal with a form of temptation that I have never, ever had to deal with before! Life, EVER! Thank goodness when I fall short, Ava is the strong one. And thank goodness when he falls short, I can be the strong one. I went into yesterday with full intentions to "behave" and...fell short. Or tried to... Again, thank goodness when I fall short, Ava is the strong one.

The evening was spectacular! It really was! We spent the first part of the evening running around town, doing his business and then we (meaning "he," really) washed/cleaned Mom's car, then we went back to his house. We talked and talked and talked. That's all we did! Just talked! But...to be honest, I felt like I needed more, and I left feeling unsatisfied... I thought to myself the whole way home "This is what you prayed for dummy! To stay away from temptation and because you didn't get all what you wanted, you're upset?"

I cannot wait for this "issue" to be resolved! Why is it taking so long? Why is it so difficult? Have I not been made to wait enough? Haven't I made the right choices in my life to be worthy of this blessing? Is this another test? Is this my trial in life - to wait? Am I/Are we going to have trouble having kids? -Because that's righteous desire we share! When can/will the things I REALLY want start to unfold easily?

Like Bro. Fruge' said in his fireside last Sunday, "You want a land of milk and honey? Be prepared to work for it!" Wow... I am so very thankful for what I've been blessed with. I am! I'm trying to "enjoy the journey" Mom, I really am! I'm trying to focus on the friendship side of our relationship right now, but I feel like I already KNOW him. I feel like we're already best friends. I feel like we've been friends longer than the time we've been been friends on this earth.

Please pray for me. Thinking about asking for a blessing... Again.