Please and Thank You

Ava and I have been going through a bit of struggle; nothing within our marriage.  In the struggle I have started to become angry and bitter.  I sometimes feel like I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want anyone to encourage me with Gospel-esque advise.  I wanted to retreat into my home with my husband and wallow in self-pity, looking at all the "blessed" couple and be miserable.


Having such feeling was comfortable at first.  "I know the feelings," I said to myself.  "I've been here before."  Sometimes a comfort zone can be uncomfortable, but its familiar.  You know what happens there and you've created way of dealing with it - and at least you think you have.


A member of our Branch Presidency emailed me a copy of a speech by F. Enzio Busche.  It was a speech he gave at BYU on May 14, 1996.  So far, in this speech, he hasn't addressed anything specific about "This is what to do to be happy..." or anything like that.  So far, and I'm only at the beginning of the fourth page out of 8 - so a bit past half way.  He has only spoken of having the spirit with us always to guide us in - guess what - EVERYTHING!


There's a piece of a paragraph I'd like to share:


"The Spirit is a divine entity.  It therefore gives the ultimate example of politeness."


I've never thought of the Spirit as polite - or given it/him any "real" human characteristics because we learn that the Spirit does not have a body (yet, anyway). 


He goes on to say: "I will not intrude into our lives.  It will not force itself into our lives except under circumstances in which we may endanger our salvation - for instance, by breaking a covenant."


I can testify of this.  I have found myself in the pits of despair, begging for someone to hold out their hand to me to offer help, but not uttering a word - hoping that the Spirit would discern to THEM what I needed! 


I found myself just the other day thanking multiple people.  For random things.  I was truly grateful for these things, but the Spirit, I felt, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "What are you doing?"


"I don't know.  What are you doing?"


"Look at yourself.  What are you doing?"


Wow.  The Spirit did not force itself/himself in when I obviously didn't invite it.  But it did step in when I was [thinking about] breaking a covenant. 


Brother Busche quotes D&C 76:47 which says, "I, the Lord, show it [the torments of hell] by vision unto many, but straightway shut it up again."  Then he goes on to say:


"[The Holy Ghost] can only become an active part of our lives when we become aware of it dormant state and develop in our souls a desire to awaken the Spirit to life."


There must be opposition in all things...