Strike Three!

Well, three miscarriages. But I made it further this time. Six weeks exactly.

I called my OB/GYN (that I can't see because I have no insurance and can't get Medicaid until I get a doctor confirmed positive test) and the nurse "quietly" told me to take folic acid and pre-natal vitamins. Even if I don't take the pre-natal vitamin to, for sure, take the folic acid.

I have PCOS. The last time my hormone levels were taken my testosterone levels were normal, but on the high side of normal. My female hormones weren't checked. But she feels that because I'm loosing my babies in the 4-6 week mark and making it further each time, that my progesterone levels are low and slowly, because of the pregnancies, rising.

Long story short. Folic Acid should help. And if it doesn't, when we get Ava's green card and he starts working at the prison and we get on insurance, then I'll go back to the doctor and we'll dive right into when ever we need to dive into.

Mixed emotions.

The Power of Suggestion

Most of the time I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders. Then there are those other times that I feel completely nuts! I've been having pregnancy symptoms for a solid three weeks now. The nausea was unbearable for the first ten days or so, then slowly got better. The spells didn't last most of the day, the smells were getting easier to tolerate (or avoid), and I seemed to have found several ways to deal with the nausea when it did come.

I have wicket heartburn, am rediculously sleepy, running to the bathroom every fifteen minutes (literally) to pee, my parts aren't snug at the waistline, but they are snug, my "other" bathroom habit has changed (for the better on my part since I have no gallbladder), along with many other symptoms. Plus, I've missed a period!

According to my calculations, I should be about 6 1/2 weeks. Mom, and everyone else, has been begging me to take a pregnancy test. I've fought them until last night. I've had two miscarriages - the first one I actually got a positive result and after bleeding for a few days, retested and got a negative. I do not want to see another negative test, even if it was/will be a false negative. I want to have two missed periods under my belt (or in my womb!) before I even think about taking one. And after I think about it for another missed period, then I'll take one!

Anyway, so I took one. Negative.

I still feel "full," the heartburn is bad, I'm still feel sleep deprived, and the nausea is still the same! What is going on? And, still no period.

What is going on?!

I want a baby so bad!

I'm trying to trust in the Lord's timing. I need a countdown clock or something!

Pretty Flower

As all know, our area received a huge amount of rain over a several day period. After the skies cleared and the waters have begun to recede, then the lights choose to go out. Ava, Megan, and I are in our living room waiting for them to come back on. Ava gets up and goes to the bathroom to prepare for bed. Then I smell it! I ask Megan, "Do you smell that?"

She calmly says, "Maybe it was Ava. He did go to the bathroom."

"No. It smells like a skunk."

Jarom's dog, Shorty, has a habit of getting sprayed quite often. He has already been sprayed this week. At first I thought it was him and he was maybe sleeping on our steps and the smell was wafting in. I get up to get a drink and pass by the front door. A lot worse there. Then I made a mistake. I opened the door! Great googaly moogaly! It was really fresh! And it was right in our front yard!

I have only experienced the new skunk smell once before and I knew I didn't want to again. Epic defensive tool! Like, the best! Ever!

Well played Flower. Well played, indeed!

In Your Face Interface

THE key to a successful marriage?

In the 4 1/2 months I've been married to my Samoan Superman I've learned that clear and honest communication is THE key.

After continually builing our personal relationships with the Lord, building our relationships with our spouses is next in line.

Let me ask a question: If you and your partner were able to have sex, but were ordered not to, would your relationship last? Is your marriage founded on sex? Do you find that there is more contention between you when sex is few and far between, or non existent?

This is not a healthy relationship.

Draw a triangle. In the triangle draw some horizontal lines. In this spaces write what you know is the foundation of a healthy relationship and as you go higher the priority is less. Be honest. Don't write what you know, not what you feel or what your relationship has prioritized things.

Now, cut these strips and now arrange them how your marriage is, turning the pieces upside down. If your marriages is (pretty much) based on sex, place that strip of paper on the bottom and work your way up. Is your triangle wobbly, out of balance?

Fix it.

How?

Communicate honestly and clearly with your spouse. And work. I've learned that a marriage requires daily, hourly, minute-by-minutes, and second-by-second maintainance (I don't think I spelt that right).

When you're not with your spouse how can you maintain? Thoughts play a HUGE role. Don't let your mind wonder from your partner. Honor those covenants you made in your mind, too. Anything that drives your thoughts to "someone else" needs to go.

Do the opinions of other's do that? They can!

Talk to your sweety. Keep your sweety your sweety!

Choose your love. Love your choice.

Double Date

Ava and I have been asked to join a sweet couple for dinner this Thursday night! Our first group date as a married couple!

I've always loved this young man who has invited us. He's always been super sweet and very thoughtful. And now as our Branch's second councilor, he has become a humble man and a great teacher. His sweet wife is... super sweet! I love her so much!

I'm so excited to spend an evening with them and their glorious children!

Gratitude

We had our High Councilman from Buna to come speak to our Branch this past Sunday. Wow, did I ever need that! Brother Peterson (who reminded me of a young Pres. Eyring) spoke about gratitude. He gave many awesome quotes and humble stories of his humble missionary experiences in Russia.

What stuck out the most was his account of the Brother of Jared. In Ether 6 starting with verse 5 Moroni writes, "...that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land..."

Verse 6 says, "...mountain waves which broke upon them,...great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fiercesness of the wind."

Then Verse 8 says, "...the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land...they were driven forth before the wind."

Verses 6 and 7 tells us of the very trying experiences and hardships of their travels because of the wind. But in Verses 5 and 8 Moroni tells us that the Lord provided this great wind.

Why were they so tried? Why was their journey so hard? The were uncomfortable. The very thing that brought them to the promised land, was the very thing that gave them so much trouble. Or what they thought was trouble. They were just stretched a bit.

We humans have selfishness issues!

This is the WHY of why we need to be thankful for our trials. Not because they're hard and it humbles us and we can learn from them. That's great, but we need to be thankful because they were given to us by the Lord. Sometimes remembering that is really difficult.

What just makes me cry, continuing with story starts in Verse 9. "...they did sing praises,...he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord."

Verse 10 just slaps me in the face. Sometimes its the blessing we're given that we don't see that can get us in trouble. Because we're so ME focused. It says, "...they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above water or under the water."

Verse 11: "And thus they were driven forth..."

Verse 12: "And they did land upon the shore of the promised land." They were driven so hard and so fast BECAUSE they were righteous. They reached the promised land and obtained their blessings that much faster. What if they hadn't been so righteous? There could have been the best seas ever, but instead of taking 344 days, it could have been 688 or more days!

"And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord..."

"...because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."

We can liken this experience to our lives. Our trials are quickly preparing us to receive blessings from our loving Father in Heaven. Blessings that could be held from us if we choose unrighteousness.

I need to remember these monsters of the sea that are being held back by the Lord so that these great tempests can carry me to my promised land faster. Isn't that what we all want? To be blessed NOW! Well, let the Lord bless you... NOW!

Endure the waves!

Enjoy the Journey!

On The Outside

I feel like I've always had the bad habit of comparing the progression of my life to the progession of other's lives.

I remember in 3rd grade, specifically, that multiplication wasn't clicking as fast as my classmates. Our teacher would play this Around the World game that pinned one classmate against the other and compared how fast you could give the answer to a random problem she gave. If student one and student two were up, who ever could give the correct answer first and would move on to student 3. The way to win the game was who ever made it around the world and back to their seat first won.

I maybe moved over one or two seats ever. Why couldn't I think as quickly as others. I knew my facts, I just couldn't get it out quick enough. It really made me very self-conscience.

In junior high all the girls had boyfriends. I didn't. In high school everyone seemed to advance quicker than me. I worked so hard to get the grades that I did, while it seemed others flew past me.

The harder part for me happened when my siblings and I started graduating. I've wanted nothing more than to get married right away, start my family, and sit in rocking chairs on the front porch with my husband in our old age, surrounded by our grandchildren. (Very cliche', sorry!)

I have no personal jealousy issues with anyone. And I wouldn't trade lives with them. (This may not make sense to you.) But I do have really bad jealousy issues with those who progress faster in the things I want.

Things got really bad when my siblings started to get married, then even worse when they started having their children. Like I said, I have no personal jealousy with them and I wouldn't trade my lives for theirs.

I am so thankful for my dear husband! Not a day goes by that I am not humbled to tears (literally, every. single. day.) that the Lord has blessed me with such a perfect fit. (Plus, he's such a hunk!)

You know when you want something you notice it EVERYWHERE?!

Everyone around me is having babies!

I've had two miscarriages. Then, two menstral cycles. Torture!

I've always lived my life in such a way that would allow the Lord the bless me without saying something like, "I'm going to keep this blessing from you because you did 'this'."

It seems that those who don't even try to do the right thing get blessed and are not thankful at all. They even complain about their "mess." Honey, I'd love your "mess!"

C.S. Lewis said something like, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

Amen, brother.

I need to stop it!

So, Get Off Your Ath, Lets Do Some Math!

* Disclaimer: Excuse the Mormon cussing in the title *

I had my first teaching experience yesterday! At the end of my Fundamentals of Math class our teacher told us about a problem one of my fellow students had come upon while taking one of our reviews tests online. He told us that this student couldn't figure it out and that he didn't remember teaching anything about it in class and he didn't remember seeing anything in the book that taught this concept. I, too, came upon this question and felt it was one of the easier problems. And, further more, he had taught this concept and it was in the book, as well.

And, I'm paraphrasing, it said:

All libraries have between 50 and 250 books. How many libraries will you have to visit to find that at least two of those libraries will have the same number of book?

Can you get it?

Since this is Fundamentals of Math, we have been asked to solve these problems like a 3rd - 7th grader would. We can draw pictures, draw a table, guess and check, etc. I drew a table. (I hope BlogSpot keeps my table fairly correct)

Books in the Library: Libraries visited:
50 1
51 2
52 3
53 4
. .
. .
. .
250 201

Assuming, and you have to assume this, that you went to 201 libraries and each one had a different number of books. The first library you visited at 50 books, the second library you visited had 51 books, the 201st library you visited at 250. That would mean that the 202nd library you visited HAD to have the same number of books on one of the previous.

Answer: 202

Elijah

I've come to the conclusion that Ava's calling in the Family History Center was actually for me!

A doctor I worked with at Dickerson Memorial Hospital passed away at the end of November 2010. Since I found this out he has kind of been on my mind. I told myself that I would eventually gather his information and go to the Temple and have his work done. Never felt any real excitement or urgency there. I did feel, though, that this alone was not enough. And (stupidly) didn't know any more to do.

I was telling the history to someone about the abandoned hospital in Jasper that Dr. Joe founded and named for his late wife, Mary E. Dickerson. Then it hit me! SHE wanted THEIR work done!!

She wanted to have their work done so THEY COULD BE SEALED! When this little beauty of a fact hit me I immediately felt excited and anxious and rushed!!

This was a Tuesday (a week ago). I told Ava that I was going to stop by the FHC right after school and find the information I needed to prepare their names for the Temple!

My sweet hubby met me there and within 15 minutes we had all the information we needed! I drove to Mom's house and there we put it all on the Temple Ready program and printed out what we needed to hand to the Temple workers!

Once that was done the rushed feeling eased somewhat. I wake every morning with the thought of skipping school and taking these two sweet names to the Temple. Ava and I are going with the Youth to the Temple in a week and a half. Their work will be done then.

Dr. Joe, I love you and miss you. Mrs. Dickerson, I've never met you, but your husband spoke of you often and reverently. Don't worry. You're ordinances will be done very soon.

Thank you (Spirit of) Elijah. Thank you.

Gorilla beringei

I first heard Bruno Mars' new song, Gorilla, at the... VMA's? When ever Miley Cyrus had her rockin' I'm-an-adult-now twerking performance. Yeah... Anyway, I wasn't really paying attention because I was reading my homework assignments. I really enjoyed the beats and the rhythm. I can appreciate some good music song writing.

Every day, well Monday through Thursday, anyway, I drive to Lufkin for school. That's a 2 hour drive every day. I listen to A LOT of radio. This song always comes on at around 7:30am, right before I get into Huntington. I found I really liked this song.

About a week ago, after doing much praying and pondering on a completely different subject, this song made me feel very uncomfortable and dirty. This song is about sex. There is nothing wrong with sex. Sex between a husband and a wife is beautiful and special. And its sacred. When Ava and I had our interview with our stake president for our Temple marriage he told us that marriage, the power to procreate, is putting on the path to "be Gods." (While receiving our endowments allows us to "be LIKE Gods.")

This spirit of this song is not sacred. It is pornography. This thoughts that came to my head were of my husband and I (I know... TMI, but bear with me) so how could it be wrong? But isn't that was an actual porn video can do? Get's my husband and me in "the mood?" (Note: we don't watch porn.) Isn't that what a good romance novel do? Is that pornography as well? I think so. I now know so.

I'm not being preachy. I simply want to share my new-found testimony of when the Strength of the Youth pamphlet advises the youth to be mindful of the music they listen to, the movies and TV shows they watch, and the materials they read, it is to protect them from evils.

Songs like these are gateways to bigger things. The house is sexual sin and provocative music, videos, and books are the thresh holds we need to pass through to get to those bigger sins.

Brothers and Sisters, be ever so mindful of the choices you make. Be mindful of those loose and flaxen chords of the devil Nephi talks about. Stay close to the spirit. Listen to him. Follow his promptings. Keep yourself worthy to enter into the Temple and partake of those awesome blessings!

Aplia Woes

This semester, my next to last at AC, I am finally taking my Student Success course. And because I have 'so many' hours already I was allowed to take it online. The class didn't actually start until a week or so after the official first day.

An orientation was scheduled. I went. It as a waste of time. The three online class teachers had a shared orientation. One didn't show. The other couldn't get the school computer to work. The third couldn't get the class program to work.

This was a BIG preview of the upcoming semester in this class.

I have eMailed the teacher 2 - 3 times a week since the orientation. Directions/Instructions for assignments conflicting. Since there are, like, three places where the same assignments are. In this online class we are to do group discussions. These discussions are to be done on blackboard under the forum section. eMail can be exchanged through blackboard, your school Gmail account, and your private eMail address. Assignments are to be done through Aplia.

What brings me to this post is this week Chapter 1 Problem Set on Aplia is due. I read the chapter, go on Aplia to perform the problem set. Its not there. I eMail the teacher (yet another eMail due to an issue) and tell her so. She eMails me back saying that eMail correspondence is obviously not efficient with me and that I am to call her immediately.

I was about five minutes from the start of my next class and when I got home from my obligations elsewhere it was too late. This morning was quite busy and this afternoon/evening has been just a crazy.

So, before calling her, I go online again to make sure the assignment wasn't there, and guess what? The Chapter One problem set was there. Upon this discovery, I open ALL my eMail accounts to where this teacher could contact me (FOUR in total: AC posts, BlackBoard, AC Gmail, and private) and it turns out... there was an issue.

Hhmmm...

Which brings me to my next issue. Why all the extra programs? There AC webpage, Blackboard, Aplia, Cengage, MyLabsPlus, Facebook even! Why? When BlackBoard, the universal University program, does all of what the other's do!

The advantage I've thought of about using so many programs - it shows future employers that I'm flexible, easy to train, ...not the words I'm looking for. But, do you know what I'm saying...? Adaptable, maybe?!

THAT kind of day...

I'm mad that...
its going to cost $300 +/- to get Ava's passport renewed.
its going to cost about $5000 to get Ava's green card, $3000 of which is the lawyer's fee and the remaining government filing fees. (What happened to the "...bring me your POOR...huddle masses"??)
I didn't get a honeymoon.
my husbands ex-wife is using their children to get more money.
my husband is being taken advantage of and manipulated by his ex-wife.
I've had TWO miscarriages in a row.
all I've ever, ever wanted has been nothing but a struggle and fight for me.
my husband works EVERY SINGLE DAY!
I have PCOS.
money doesn't grow on trees.
my hormones are causing me to go from homicidal to suicidal.
my sister REALLY annoys me most of the time.
my dad is a dork!
my brother and his family are inactive.

On the other hand:
I am thankful that...
my husband has a job and is fully committed to it, for now.
our immigration lawyer moved from Houston to Beaumont and has given us his discount and won't let us pay for each visit we'll have to make to his office during the next 12 months.
my husband's kids are in the US and not back in Samoa.
despite my PCOS, I have been able to conceive.
eventually, when things settle down, my husband and I will travel to Samoa to visit his family.
although money is tight, all our bills (somehow) are being paid and we have extra money Every. Single. Month! *Testimony of paying tithing*

My Samoan Superman

Let me tell you - every girl needs a husband like mine! He is my Samoan Superman!

He's kind, patient, loving, tender, and he love me!

And he's much cuter than Clark Kent, that's for sure!

Edg-a-ma-cated Woe-men

I met with my school this past Wednesday and I've been told that after completing just six more classes I will be graduating with my Associates Degree in Teaching.

Since the state of Texas (and other states, as well) now requires a Teacher's Certificate (aka a Bachelors Degree) I still have 2 +/- years left.

With inability to really picky with what classes I'm taking it appears that I will have to go all the way to Lufkin these last two semesters Monday thru Friday! I have (funnily ironic - now that I'm close to leaving Angelina) my Student Success class (on the internet - sweh!), Fundamentals of Math I, Intro to Teaching - Special Populations, and a Computer Class. Next semester the only two classes I'll have left are Fundamental of Math II and another Intro to Teaching class. Woop! Woop!

AAANNNNDDDDDD.....

Ava and I, before we were married, decided to wait to have a baby until after I graduated. Does an associates count? Hahaha... no! But we're not waiting! I promised to finish school (...eventually) and we decided to start trying for a baby.

One happy girl.

The Color Green

I see all these people having babies...

...not cool! Cool, but not cool!

I have people say - to my face - having a baby is so hard, its so difficult. You'll be tired all the time, you'll cry for no reason. If you breast feed your nipple will bleed. You'll throw up. You'll have wicked heart burn.

Okay, okay, I get it... and guess what? I know! But, its kind of "hypocritical" when you tell me this and then I see you smiling and ooo-ing and awe-ing over your baby.

I'm thirty! If I'm scared to have a baby - I really can't put off having a baby for too much longer. "Oh, wait! You just got married!" Yeah, I know that sweet truth, too! But I'm thirty! I have about five "good" years of baby-makin'. Plus, I have PCOS. That'll make it even more difficult to conceive.

I know having a baby is stupid hard and miserable! But to those who have kids, don't tell me that! Because, in the wink of a eye, I'd trade with you any day! Any day! And to have those kids and to hear the "complaining" - again, I'll trade with you! (And I know you're not really complaining.) But to one who wants nothing more, please don't tell me how miserable you were/are, how tired you were/are, or how hard it was/is.

By the way, as of the 21st (of July) we are officially trying to conceive a baby.

Peace

Ava and I were married on May 23rd of this year and... I knew I had conceived on the 24th. By about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks I was exhausted all the time and the heart burn was out of control. Along with other symptoms and a "feeling" I knew I was pregnant. I took three pregnancy tests, and of course because it was too early, all were negative. At around 4 1/2 weeks I started getting worse and worse morning sickness (yeah, right - more like all day sickness).

From about the time Ava would get up for work at 3am - 4am, and I would wake up with him, I was sick until about six that evening. After that, I was just queasy, like I had been at about 3 weeks. Food didn't make me sick, but random smells would. The dish soap would make my stomach turn. The smell of the sand/dirt on our road would, too. But other smells I, like, craved for. One of those was the smell of Ava's skin and another was the smell of warm electronics (the warm DVD player or Wii remote). Crazy...

At what I figured to be 5 weeks and 1 day, with a FOR SURE missed period, I took a (4th) test. And it came up positive! That was on Saturday, the 29th of June. That very next (Sunday) evening/night and Monday I was cramping pretty bad. By Tuesday (and into Wednesday and Thursday) I was bleeding. By Friday morning, there was nothing. I took a 5th pregnancy test Friday and it came back negative.

I'm so thankful for this experience. I say that because I could not fully appreciate the joy with out the pain. I know there will be a baby to come soon! But, like our journey so far, it'll all be in the Lord's time. I am sad, but I have a calm peace.

Angry Typing

...makes me look like an illiterate dork! Hahaha!

Reverse Limbo

When I write something to you, read it, please.  And take the meaning of the words to be what they mean.  Don't work in a new interpretation.

Testimonies were never questioned.  Satan has the neat little thing called flaxon cords.  These are the last days and Satan will use any means, even fellow members, to keep you from progressing.

Yes, "active" status in the church is attending Sacrament Meeting just once a month.  Why not raise the bar?  Some Jeffery R. Holland said at our Stake Conference.  "There are four choices to make in this life: the wrong one, a good choice, a better choice, and the best choice."

Do what you will.  The Lord would not be Lord if He didn't give us our agency - our right and ability to choose.  But as for me... I feel that every single person with whom I've been blessed to cross paths with has done so for a purpose.  And when my turn comes to stand at the judgment bar of Christ and he says, "I put this person in your life because if you would have said [this] you could have helped" I can look Him in the eye and say, "I did my part."

For the return comments - I'm sorry you feel I've said too much and in some cases too little!  Let me tell you something, though, every comment made to me through my blog and my facebook by you have felt like a quit quip.  My "like" on facebook about The Book of Mormon: The Broadway or whatever the title of it is.  Yes, I do know what the play is about.  No, I never "liked" it.  And the comments about my wedding dress choices on my blog.  Thanks for the help.  I did use it in choosing my dress.  I will do more good deeds, though!

 

 

 

World's Greatest Ex-Wife

You know, that the older I got and the longer I remained single the more I knew it was more of a possibility than a probability that I would marry a man who had an ex-wife and children. That was never, really, and issue for me. Still isn't.

But, dude! Ex-wives are so... all I can say is that I'm so thankful she's the ex-!

Playing Darts With A Cheater

All my life I have been taught to forget myself and try to help others because we know that, and I'm paraphrasing, that when you loose yourself in the service of others you find yourself.

In the past I've always been too afraid, or shy, or felt like I didn't know this person well enough to say anything. With the experiences of life and knowing that sometimes it is a stranger that saves someone's life most of the time has really helped me follow the spirit and help when I can.

I can't say that I've always gone about it the correct way, but with experience and being more intune to the spirit, I have to say I've gotten better. The responses I've receieved from most have been... well, not taken well. But I can say, without a doubt in my mind, that the things said were said in love, in concern, and by the spirit.

One example happened two or three years ago with a family in our Primay (3-11 year olds) group at church. Three of their four kids were on our rolls and they had not been attending Primary, specifically, in almost a year. (I knew the main reason, as well, and this had to do with my delay in bring our our primary presidency concerns to their attention). But with encouragment from Branch, Stake, and First Presidency leaders and a a challenge issued, I was asked/volunteered (after much prayer from our counsel and my, personally) to talk to the mother, who herself was less, less active.

The words I got back from her... Broke my heart. Nothing was said or even addressed with what she said I had said to her. My only question to her was, "How can I and the primary presidency help you as parents help to encourage your children to attend primary." Wow! You would have thought I had called her an unfit parent!

Moving right along, though, as to not dwell. I like to read blogs - blogstalk, you will. The ones I really love, connect with, find interesting, find encouraging, I publicly follow. Of this one that I'm speaking, I follow publicly and make semi-frequent comments. Without names and specifics, she has been having a really hard time for a while and knowing, somewhat, what she's feeling I try to offer uplifting words. Recently, she made a comment about not attending church and didn't plan to for awhile. This is never a good thing!

Jeffery R. Holland spoke at our Stake Conference about two years ago and he said something that has stuck with me. He said (again paraphrasing), "The time to jump ship is not during the storm. Neither before the storm or after." I tried to share a smidgen of my testimony or church attendance, taking the sacrament, and keeping the spirit close.

I don't EVER say these things for a "Thank you Emelie! You saved my life! I am indebted to you!" response! I always try to seek the spirit and to say (or not say) things that will help.

Wow at the comment back. I was judging and was blessed with a Pres. Holland requote. Which, by the way, if the scripture reference given was read, was not saying what it was saying. You know how you can leave out a sentence before and a sentence after and it changes the whole meaning of the middle sentence. Yeah... I know Pres. Holland, not personally, but he has ALWAYS... required... demanded... STRONGLY encouraged church/gospel attendance.

So, to give another quote from Pres. Holland, from the same website (BYU Speakers) in an address on March 2, 1997. He says,

"Come unto me, all ye that are labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

"That is my basic message to each of you tonight, wherever you live, whatever your joys or sorrows, however young or old you may be, at whatever point you may find yourself in this mortal journey of ours. ...I ask you to 'come unto him' as the imperative step in getting there, in finding your individual happiness and strength and success.

"When Andrew and Phillip first heard Christ speak, they were so moved,... they followed him... Sensing that he was being pursued, Christ turned and asked the two men, 'What seek ye?'

"They answered, 'Where dwellest thou?'

"And Christ answered, 'Come and see.' ...'Come follow me.'

So, my question to all those suffered or happy... What seek ye? What do you want? You know what, who cares what you want right now? Christ does! He wants us to be happy, but not just happy - He wants us to be find JOY! A full and true happiness. And where can we find that?! "Come and see! Come follow me!"

We find our happiness in Him! No where else in this world!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the ONE TRUE Gospel. His Church is perfect! The people, however, are not! People are people. They are so greatly imperfect! DO NOT LET SOME ELSE DECIDE YOUR EXALTATION! Like the two sisters in early church history, that we learned about in last weeks Sunday School lesson, do not leave Christ's perfect Gospel over stolen cream! That is so stupid, if I can speak boldly!!

No matter how offended or hurt I am by members, non-members, less active, alike, I will do what I have to do for MY exaltation! I will follow Him!

His Pot of Gold

I have been called anyone's Good Luck Charm, until Sunday night and Tuesday night!

Game 1 of the NBA finals was... last Thursday? ...And the Spurs won. Barely, but they won. And I was watching the game with Ava. Game 2 was this past Sunday and I didn't watch it with him (I had a ton of homework to read/do) and they lost. Then, Game 3, since he told me I had to watch this one with him, they won again! By a lot!

Ava has informed me that I am to watch all the games with him from now on.

Baking Bread

Food for thought:
All symptoms listed, minus the boobs part (kinda), um... yeah... CHECK!

Not getting my hopes up, but... my hopes are WAY up.

We'll see. I'll keep you posted!

Say What?!

I was reading an older entry and I had mentioned that we had 56 days until our proposed wedding date... Know what day we're on now?!

WE HAVE TWELVE DAYS LEFT UNTIL OUR WEDDING!!!!! 12 days!!! 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12!! So close to the day I've wanted more than anything else in this world!

But something more than that actual day, I've wanted to BE married more than to GET married. Make sense? I've wanted nothing more than to wake up at 4am with my husband - with my Ava - and make his breakfast and pack his lunch. I've wanted nothing more than to wash clothes, wash dishes, sweep and dust, cook dinner for my family. To HAVE a family with a man who loves the Lord and love me!

So surreal! I love it!

So Fresh and so Clean

Today is the day!



Well, today is the day of my Bridal Shower, anyway!

Over the past four or five months in planning for MY wedding I'll have moments of *WHOA I'M PLANNING MY WEDDING*!!! Most of the time I'm in my OCD mode, like, totally planning and making my lists - but I've been making my wedding lists since I was 14! To be actually crossing those things off of my lists - surreal!

I'm am so excited to be surrounded by my family and friends to celebrate with me. To be surrounded by people who have encouraged me for so many years!

Plus, I am a bit excited to get some awesome loot! :)

AND - we all get to talk to Elder Odom today for his Mother's Day call!! AND - we get to see Elizabeth!!

Its going to be a good day!

PS, to explain the title of this entry. I have had so many guys tell me that showers are good before wedding - takes the stink away! Oh boy... so fresh and so clean.

Speed Bumps

The hardest thing about planning the Temple side of this wedding has been deciding who to invite to the actual sealing. We've reserved the 35 witness room, but we are having serious difficulties narrowing our list down to 35!

Lucky to be in Love with my Best Friend

We are now at 40 days left until I marry my bestest friend! This past week has been so awesome! Tuesday Ava and I had our living ordinance interview with our Stake President. (We passed, by the way!) :) We called the Temple Wednesday morning! (May 23rd (officially) at 1pm!) With some help from my sister, Sarah, our invitations have been ordered. (They are GORGEOUS!! I SO LOVE THEM!) And (suprisingly) they should be delivered by Monday!

Got a message from one of the Sister's that served in this area... She's coming for a day in Woodville and has totally asked me to chauffer her around! AWESOME!!! :D

** Found out that Ava's work visa ID will work to get our marriage license - BIG sigh of relief because every other form of picture ID he has has expired!

Funny Moment: (in the process of finding out what forms of picture ID he has) I asked Ava if his passport has a picture it in. He responds with, "Yes! Of me!" I laugh. He laughs. "Of me and myself." What a silly man! . . . We get back to his house and he shows me his passport and I turn to this picture part of it and say, "Heeeey! It is you in this picture!" Hahahaha... Funny kids!

Awkward Moment: I called the Temple and when the lady answered the phone and I said I need to schedule our sealing date and time I immediatly burst into tears. When I could finally calm down and actually schedule it she kept saying, "Its okay... Congratulations! Its okay..." I hang up the phone and the tears stop - just. like. that. *Palm Slap to Face*

A Too Happy Moment: After calling the Temple (again, with help from my dear sister who has a credit card and not a check card from a small bank that won't let you make large purchases online after two large checks have cleared...) the invitations get ordered! I'm looking at the receipt, making sure they were actually ordered and not not, like, reserved or...whatever... and I get really excited and scream (I'm home alone), "I JUST ORDERED MMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY WEDDING INVITATIONS!! MMMMMYYYYYYYYYY INVITATIONS!! FOR MMMYYYYYYYYY WEDDING!!!!!"

Picking up the dress, hopefully, next Friday!

The Dress

As we are now on Day 56 until our (hopfully) wedding date, the process to get my dress finished has sped up slightly. I had my third fitting yesterday with a very nice British woman (eat your heart out Megan!) who is apart of the head seamster's group. What do you call a guy sewer guy? A tailor? I like seamster better... I learned his name is Caleb, by the way. Crazy talented man!

He had the sleeved done on the front part of the dress and they look AMAZING - like they are naturally apart of the dress! I don't know if I can imagine what the dress looked like before them. Next appointment is on the 12th.

Time Line

Too early to be thinking about babies?

Record Timing

March 10th was when Ava met with Pres. Little and he told us he had sent all the Temple clearance paperwork to Salt Lake the very next morning, the 11th. Tuesday, the 19th, I got a phone call from Pres. Little telling me that Salt Lake had called him concerning our application.

The additional paperwork they had requested I wasn't able to get to them until that following Friday morning, the 22nd. I asked Pres. Little his thoughts on all this - hearing from them so soon after the application was sent in, etc. He felt that it was definitely cool that the committee was looking at it so soon, but still sure it might take sometime to get a letter back, (due to General Conference coming up very soon and the fact that the First Presidency only look at the entires world's Temple clearances and cancellations once a week).

But to our GREAT suprise on Saturday, the 23rd, Ava's letter from the First Presidency was in the mailbox! It had been only 12 days since paperwork was sent it!

Let the *official* wedding planning begin!

One Step Closer

On March 10th Ava had his interview with President Little to finalize our part of the Temple clearance paperwork. Yay! We were told that this process, on average, take 6-8 weeks, but has, sometimes, taken longer and sometimes not very long at all. Ava and Pres. Little walked out of the office and reminded us of this then said, "But I have a feeling you'll hear something by mid- to late April. That'll put us right at the 5 week-ish mark.

So to have a missed call from Pres. Little this past Tuesday (as I was getting ready for class) that said that our application was being reviewed (and that there was one thing they wanted to check on before they sent it to the First Presidency). Wow! A week?! I happened to see Pres. Livingston, our Branch President, that Tuesday evening and he said, "See what making the right choices can do?"

Yes, yes I can!

One step closer!

* Hint into our first dance song

School, Work, Wedding Dresses, and Birth Control

This semester for me has been different due to the fact that two of my four classes are strictly online. Not that I'm complaining - I actually enjoy them the same (but on a different level) as my lecture classes. But...

...with "work" its been hard to find time to get them done. My Fundamentals of Fitness class is pretty routine. I read the chapter at some point during the week, go online and do about 100 (literally) flash card -type questions, most of the time do some sort of Lab (for instance, this past week I had to visit a health club place and find out costs, amenities, and equipment), then I take a test - all of which is due every Sunday night at midnight. Simple enough. Really...

Then I have my Geography class... F!U!N! Like, seriously! I LOVE that class... but that schedule is all cally-wompus! Luckily, I was able to get all the assignments done within the first two weeks of "class." The studying and reviews for the tests are kind of my biggest complaint. The first test was easy peasy, but there were 250-ish pages to reach in four weeks. There's less reading for each next test, but a lot more questions. Which is cool - but these last three tests are due within two weeks of each other. And with Grandpa (that'll be another blog) its be REALLT difficult to get going. I only seem to get homework done when I'm with Ava (a HUGE suprise for me)! He's my bringer-back-down-to-earther!

Thursday Ava went with me to Beaumont to have my dress fitted! I thought I loved the ivory-champagne version of my dress... the white version is GORGEOUS!! And the (totally straight) seamster that helped me Mormonize it was AMAZING!! David's Bridal in Beaumont - y'all ROCK!

Its going to be so beautiful! Can't wait until I can use it!

The topic of babies vs birth control has been on my mind lately - and still is, pretty heavily!

Ava wants a baby, but not until I'm done with school. That could be December 2015 or May 2016. It FEELS so long away, but is in less than three years. Really not that bad.

I'm feeling the feva' for a baby... and some of the comments he's made, he's thinking a baby is near in the future.

Anyway, Thursday I brought up the topic of me/us using birth control or just letting things happen when... they happen. At first he was all like, "You do what you want to do." I told him that if I did what I wanted to, I wouldn't get on birth control, quit school (for now) and have a baby. BUT... :\ if he was really serious and adament about not having a baby until I graduated, then I would be willing to wait.

So, we (kinda) both decided to use birth control until after I graduated with my Bachelor's, then we'd begin trying to have a baby.

Lame... Not the decision I really wanted, but one that is mature and makes a lot of sense. Lamer...

Whisperings?

Can I just be honest? Can I just vent for a moment?



I've been praying about asking Ava about his feelings about birth control. He continues to tell (encourage) me that we won't have a baby until I finish school. If he is really serious about not having a baby until then and we should be married in just a few short months, then I need to get to the OB/GYN, like, tomorrow and get that taken care of.

Like I said I had been praying and continue to pray about approaching Ava about this and planned to this past Tuesday and plan to this Tuesday. But what makes me feels like he's got himself talked into a baby sooner that he thinks or plans to:

1.) On the way home from getting the new-to-us truck he said, "I feel better now with the new truck. I glad we have something that is really dependable."

I didn't really think anything of it. Yes, I am thankful also at having a really dependable truck.

Then, recently, he and I were talking about the truck and he meantioned that when "we" get pregnant, we'll have a lot more room and something we can depend on in emergencies, etc.

2.) Then about a week ago -ish he said he really feels an urgency in getting the addition started and finished on the house. I reminded him that we have plenty of time before his kids get here for the summer. He agreed with that, but still feels like we should have more room soon. That when "our baby comes" we'll need more room.

So, if he's not worried about having enough room when his kids get here, which is in July, but he's worried about a baby that's supposed to be AFTER his kids come and go back home with their mother, then... why the rush?

Does he feel the same as I do, but doesn't want to share it with me? Does he feel the presence of our little baby close, the same way I do? Does he know that we will have a little one in our home?

I think so.

Happiness in the Making

Just less than a year ago I never would have guessed how very different my life would be now. For so long I had suffered.

Seeing others progress in areas that had been so focused in progressing in killed me. On the outside I was truly happy - truly! But on the inside I was in a dark, deep place. Thoughts ran threw my head that should never cross anyone's mind. Things that I would never wish to cross the mind's of my worst enemies!

My last Valentine's Day alone (2012) was so very tough. I was five months away from turning 29 and since my 20th birthday I had prayed to my Heavenly Father to atleast be married before my 30th birthday. Just that, atleast, and I would be happy.

Not a month later a sweet, sweet man came into my life. The greatest blessing I have ever received (so far)!



To be in that man's presence is awe-inspiring. The spirit he has is pure and raw and real. He is so close to the spirit, so intune. Ava is everything (like, literally) I have ever prayed for. Ava is a beautiful man. He is a good man. He is a great man. He is a righteous man.

Ava is the man I want to live my life with. Ava is the man I want to spend eternity with. Ava is the man I want to be the father of my children. I want Ava to be next to me in all my trials, in all my successes; in my ups and downs; in good moods and in my bad moods.

I want to be a part of his life. I want to be a part of his culture. I want to be a part of his family. I want to bury myself in his skin. I want to have his strong arms around me all the time. I want his sweet, gentle kisses on my forehead. I want to have his large and rough, yet gentle and tender hands holding mine.

I cannot wait until I am sealed to this great man of God for time and all eternity! I cannot wait until that great day in the Temple of the Lord when the Lord will allow me stay at that man's side and be all the help and support to him I can! I cannot wait for him to be the patriarch of our home! I cannot wait until the time when our first baby will come and to know that that sweet, sweet little spirit is a piece of him (and me, of course). But that our little blessing has a great chance of being an amazing person because of who his father is.

Ava, I love you so much. My Fatu - you are a great man! You may not be perfect (and I beg to differ), but you're perfect for me!

The Dress Is Here!

My dress is in Beaumont! My appointment to "Mormonize" it is on the 28th of this month!

Flers!

My bouquet my sweet little sister made for me!

Isn't it BEYOND gorgeous?! I LOVE it!! Preview into the reception colors... And the dress...

This Means More...

This facebook post means more to me than any other made.

A Tale of Three (plus) Rings

First, I just want to say that planning a wedding is a lot more work than I ever thought. Every wisp of toule, every shade of flower color, every single detail is... detail-oriented! Holy smokes!

Therefore, I have decided that I will only be having the Temple marriage and...that's it!

Okay, not really... But, I am not looking forward to this hoobla!

The ring shopping has been fun, though. From the beginning I have been kind of paroozing the jewelry market and kind of getting a feel for what I might want later on. I like simple. I like elegant. I like cheap.

This first one I totally fell in love with. It was $25. I picked it out online and the info said I could get it in stores. This past Monday Ava and I went to the Wal-Mart in Woodville and he picked out a gorgeous ring for himself. The lady behind the counter was..."helpful." Not! Kind of on the not-so-helpful-side.

We both made the decision to go home and order the ring online. Sold out. Jeez! Really? Mom and I went to Jasper Wal-Mart Tuesday morning. They had the ring I wanted, but in ONE size too small! "Order it online" she said. Then I saw one I really like ($200). Got ready to buy it, but had a feeling not to, to look online one more time.

Went to school and while waiting for the teacher to arrive I found this one ($90).

I got home and it was sold out. I kept searching and found this last one. Same, exact one only with a square stone. I love it! This is the one! Total I spent $107.17.

Before I ordered it, I showed the one above to Ava... Let me back up. I've showed him many pictures of other rings and he's been, "Okay, honey. What ever you want, sweetheart. Are you happy with it?"

This one he was like, "Yes! I like this one!"

This ring allowed me 25 characters for inscription and guess what fit, like, perfectly?! "For Time and All Eternity" Nice! Ava's happy. I'm happy.

I love my ring.

I love my fiancé.

Somebody's Gettin' Married!

March 7th, People!

Somebody's getting married! Who is it? Oh, its me!

A lot more goes into a wedding than I thought...

Resolutions, Cont.

Because I forgot this impotant one...

#6: Do not have ONE soda all year!

So far I have had not even one soda! A bit proud of myself!

'Cuz Its What I Do

Countdown Clock #2:
2 Days 13 Hours 39 Minutes

Countdown Clock #3:
62 Days