Life Is Like a Rollercoaster?!

You know I've heard for a long time that life ..."is like a box of chocolates" ...sorry, drifted off there for a minute. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... life is like a roller coaster. There are ups and downs, blah, blah, blah.

Well, (and I'm sure I'm not alone), but my life feels like its like one of those extreme roller coasters, with ups, downs, twists, more downs, more twists, more loops and little bit more ups...but mix those ups with some gut-wrenching, wanna-throw-up, twists and hard jerks to the left, then to the right and back to the left, no make that another right.

Kinda catching my drift...? I feel bummed ALL (OK, just most) of the time. There are a lot of factors that contribute. I've "over heard" (like 3rd person, friend of a friend told me) that some are tired of hearing about all my problems, to try to walk in other's shoes and to be grateful for what I have and someone always has it worse than me.

Yes, yes...YES!!! I know this...but can't I just focus on ME for like half and hour?! Can't I just feel bummed for 15 minutes without someone telling me that I have "no reason" to be down?! PLEASE!!

Without getting too personal, my patriarchal blessing promises me a spouse...that part of the blessing is super special to me and it mentions a lot of details about this man. Again, without getting too personal, I do have that ONE MAN out there for me... Ya know this Cinderella Complex... the knight in shining armor on a white horse...that ONE PRINCE... well, I got it...or will get it!

So, #1) I'm 26 years old...have never had so much as a boyfriend...EVER! (So not exaggerating)...which means, I have never even been kissed, which means, I've not been married, which means I don't have a family. So not only am I having to deal with not having a family, but I'm always second and third guessing myself. I'm 26 and have yet to have even so much as a boyfriend. Does anyone find me appealing? What is it about me that people don't like? When a guy talks to me or even looks at me, all I can think of is crazy stuff like , is he looking at my roll or is he looking at me? Is he seeing ME or is he seeing my size 22 pants? Is he seeing my pretty blue eyes or is he seeing my #3 issue?

And don't flippin tell me that "oh, if you just put yourself out there" Um, let's talk about the people who are telling me this... Heber (I love you dearly), but you found your first wife at school and the girl you "just saw" met up with you, the girlfriend you have now...is your freaking next door neighbor. Sarah...love you too...you wrote to your cousin's brother-in-law while he was on his mission and knew he was the one before he came home!! Mom and Dad...you guys freaking met while Dad was still on his mission.

I'm pretty sure, in fact, I'm positive that there is way more to your little love stories and I probalby have it all wrong and all that jazz...throw me a friggin bone.
I probably know that since I'm so shy, Heavenly Father will probably make me try harder, to "put myself out there" a bit more...to, ya know, make me grow. So next time I burden you guys with my hang-ups, please give me some advise I can work with.

#2 I'm obviously bummed by my weight. And yes...I flippin know...its no one's fault but my own and its always been an issue. And I am fixing it. Not the way I want to, but its working. I've been continuously nauseated (with the exception of about two days a week...seriously) for like 2 years! Not fun... And now that I don't have insurance... But anyway, I'm learning to "deal" with it and I've started walking in the mornings 6 days a week and since I my VERY active 3 year old nephew most of the time, he's helping me. (By the way....he has been a tremendous blessing in my life. He's pulled me from the bottom on up to the top and I don't know what'd I do without that little boy in my life)

#3 I kinda wish to keep that one secret and discuss it only with a plastic surgeon.

#4 Is pretty private (involves family...not me directly) and that I will only discuss with my branch president and close family.

And #5 of the "big list" is that I was wrongfully fired from my job. The boss wanted to make room for a friend of hers and well....I was the one was was moved over... Anyway... because of this, though, I've been able to spend countless, precious hours with my grandpa and have been able to keep Jace. And this Fall I WILL go to school!! (Finally...)

Sooooo...back to the roller coaster thingy... the downs are pretty down and the ups are, well, masked well with twists and loopty-loops and I can't even tell I'm going up because of all the jerking until I start heading down again and I'm like, "Oh! While I was spiralling uncontrollably, I was headed up and oh wait...I'm already going down again..."

So, dear people who are tired of hearing from me and thinking to themselves that I should get over and and/or do something about it...just, please, chill on the comments and thoughts. If you care about me, care... To those who really care about me... all I really need is a tissue and an ear and every so often a few encouraging words.